I have two versions of this poem, one structured and one free verse. I am happier with the free verse so I post it here open to any comments of criticism, improvement and such. Is it too obvious, too obscure, or nothing at all? Thanks.
The Ornithologist (for R.S Thomas)
I'd rather watch the birds
than a flock whose shepherd
turned his cloak's collar up
against his ears and flew,
leaving no word of his return.
Iesu, it may not seem like graft to those
who turn the earth; Grist,
my presence and familiar sounds
are all the tools required.
Wrapped in fleece they do not feel
the draughts, like me,
and, in huddled solidarity, turn
their arses to the rain.
Accustomed to the roar of thunder,
the flare of lightning, the torched branch;
what unsettles this flock is my rare
cough - then no tree in the field
can spread sufficient shelter.
And after watching for birds,
being witness to the harshness of the field,
I perversely wish the flock to hear
a tremor from my lungs
that will draw the blood
from their absentee shepherd's ears.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I found this intriguing, with some wonderful images. I’ll attempt an interpretation, which may be way off beam. At first I thought that the speaker was some sort of Satan figure - but he’s too sympathetic - perhaps the spirit of R.S.Thomas himself? You can imagine him bemoaning the flight of humanity (the sheep) from spiritual things - and the apparent indifference of God (the shepherd) to this.
ReplyDeleteThe fleece they’re wrapped in is presumably material comfort, insulating them from outer reality - I particularly liked this stanza with the image where they ‘in huddled solidarity turn their arses to the rain’.
I found it more difficult to see what the birds represented - the art and literature, perhaps, that contain more of reality than the insulating popular culture? That would fit in with the R.S.Thomas stance.
I was a bit puzzled by the grammar in the last stanza - it seemed as if there was a word missing - a main verb, perhaps, between ‘I’ and ‘perversely’. On the other hand, I may have misunderstood.
And it might be interesting to see the structured version - although I can understand you not wishing to post it if you’re not happy with it.
Thank you, Chris, for such a detailed review - not 'off beam' at all. Thomas saw God and God's world slightly different to the church and, being a vicar, what he had to preach cause some inner conflict (his wish to speak out I tried to illustrate in those closing lines). Not surprised you were puzzled by the grammar - my typo of 'with' instead of 'wish' was bound to confuse. Amended now.
ReplyDeleteThe birds - well RS Thomas was a keen ornithologist and it was in witnessing the harshness of nature that he formed his views of God and the world.
Structured version:
Leave me to watch the birds not guide a flock
whose shepherd left no word of his return,
and since has pulled the collar of his cloak
against his ears, and flown without concern.
Iesu Grist, the graft may not seem hard
to those whose toil stole their boyhood days;
my presence, soothing sound, all that's
required
so not to interrupt their docile graze:
wrapped in fleece they do not feel the
draughts,
like me. My lightest cough shall cause them
fear,
but now I'll pray my lungs have Joshua's blast;
a howl to draw the blood from the shepherd's
ear.
This probably carifies my unhappiness with it.
Appreciate the feedback, Chris, thanks.