Tuesday, 15 September 2009

I was at Sutton Hoo last weekend.

Here's a draft of a piece I wrote about one of the displays there on swordmaking. I'd be grateful for any comments you might have. Thanks!

THE WOVEN SWORD

The gods brought fire, a gift to man
but only the smith could tame it
to his will, and the swordsmith is
its master. His apprentice-work
the ploughshare, latch and barrel-hoop;
his true craft is the dragon-sword.
For as a woman weaves a cloak
from the white fleece-backs of her flock
the swordsmith weaves the naked blade,
forging the offices of war
from the cold ore-blood of the rock.

The warp and weft of it he makes
from tough, blunt iron and brittle steel;
folded stacks, in white heat annealed,
beaten flat, stretched out and twisted
like a sailmaker's rope, then three
of these braided as a maid's hair.
This is the sword's core, then steel-edged,
hammered to its deadly shaping,
sharpened as bright as very death.

Weighed in your hand, the heft and flex
meets your grip, see the blade shimmer
like damascene silk; the patterns
flow and glimmer, speak of its strength.
You shall call it by its own name:
Smite-Foe, Wind-Whip, Bite-Bone
Brain-Chill, Split-Skull, Gut-Spill,
and its art makes warriors brave
and brings armies to victory,
making the tales the Sagas tell.

One day, King Raedwald, when you sail
your last ship to meet your fathers,
count yourself a fortunate man
if this, my sword, will journey with you
to the halls of your ancestors.

6 comments:

  1. Judi,
    I can see how the display you saw affected your imagination. What stands out here is the use of language and images entirely suggestive of the middle ages. The description of the life of the sword is very evocative of the way its maker or owner must have thought - in quite an alien register to modern ideas, and from within a different conception of time.

    I've got something a bit similar - but in a completely different context - brewing in my mind, after a visit to the Bronte house at Haworth a few weeks ago.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Chris. I've just tweaked the last two lines to read:

    "if this, my sword, will stay with you
    in the halls of your ancestors".

    Now it is in eight syllable lines a la Dylan Thomas. And I've tried to use Anglo-Saxon words where possible rather than Latin. However, a certain Welsh metalworker thinks that syllabic verse is pish, or something, and wants me to work it into alliterative tetrameter. Not sure I am up to the alliteration bit. I hope he will explain why I need to change it!

    I look forward to hearing more about the Brontes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Judi,

    All the elements are there in this poem. The title is great, as is the use of technical words like 'annealing' (think this is for copper?). Could I suggest a quick look at the form of the poem? I wonder if the line turns are quite working: eg in 1st stanza: try running the second line on as far as 'to his will', then turning the line so that the 3rd line reads 'and the swordsmith is its master'

    Go through the whole poem and see whether changing the line turns and, perhaps, breaking up the stanzasa bit more gives the poem a bit more momentum?

    Might not! But might! Hope this helps. P xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Did I say syllabic verse was pish? But as you have mentioned Thomas look at some, not all, of his syllabic pieces (This Bread I Break or Hold Hard Theses Ancient Minutes...) and you will find that he keeps regular matural stresses therefore maintaining the metrical music that is sometimes lost in syllabics.
    I do think there is a good poem here, Judi, but given the content (and the content's era) I do think the form needs revising.
    I also wish I could make a sword.

    ReplyDelete
  5. If Thomas has regular natural stresses then it's not syllabic verse, it's iambic or something...? So why does his work get called syllabic?

    Somehow Dylan T gets away with it but I don't! I suppose that should not be a surprise!

    Puzzled

    ReplyDelete
  6. What I am saying is that Dylan Thomas, through meticulous craftsmanship, proves that it is possible to combine the two. 'This Bread I Break' is in stanzas made of lines of, syllabically, 8, 8, 4, 8 and 8, yet they also have a regular pattern of stresses (as in accentual metre) of 4, 4, 2, 4 and 4. I just think this adds to the flow of a poem.
    Sorry to get bogged down in technicalities.
    I think this would improve your poem; you talk about making a sword, that takes rhythm from the hammer, just a thought, but by all means discard it.
    Cheers
    Brett

    ReplyDelete